Amateurs 8.0
(l-r) Whero - A. Muir, S. Warner, J. Josephson, M. Gabriel, A. Thomas, B. Howard, R. Graham, P. Carter, H. Howard, E. Erstich
A word from the Bogeyman
Preamble
Amateurs 8.0 was set to a backdrop of uncertainty. Jacinda and her commie crowd had sent Auckland into a snap lockdown, shutting down its southern border at Bombay just days before first tee. A dark shadow was cast over the feasibility of 8.0 & whether 3 local contenders would be left to battle alone. Wednesday evening’s announcement loomed large…Would the draconian measures implemented to try and stop the event be lifted? Yes. Amateurs 8.0 was on, & was shaping to be the biggest event of 2021. Marquees were rapidly erected, preparations were made. 21 players had accepted the invitation making it the largest attendance in Amateurs history.
Day One
Things began typically…Blue Sniffers, in all their splendour, arrived in white, their challenger attire, making the blue of their traditional blazers & caps really pop. The defenders, Big Whero, continued their mediocre efforts at looking like a unified bunch.
Play was underway at Tauhara & the contestants quickly reacquainted themselves with the flat track after skipping the course for version 7. Some rookies struggled early, some strived, but by the end of day one their were ominous signs this years event was going pear shaped. Hamish Howard, a notoriously slow starter, had jumped to the lead & had a nice buffer at the end of the day, worrying signs as he moved to his preferred track of Turangi. Day one ended with another familiar sight, Bodhi Vette had once again misplaced the Blueball. However, in a shock move, he opted to be the first Amateur to serve drinks for the evening festivities, forgoing a hitchhike home.
The evening session this year was highly anticipated with the first ever hosted lakeside. The host, clearly nervous & potentially out of his depth got off to a slow start with a dramatic misplacing of the bach keys. Sniffers were sent in through the high studded bathroom window & disaster was narrowly avoided.*
The early wobbles, things were quickly righted & arguably the finest meal in Amateurs history was dished up. Chilli dogs with all the trimmings were the saveur du jour & the flavours paired the glorious sunset lakeside beautifully. The Dave’s worked the grill like magicians & the sniffers showed all attending what catering an event should really look like. Further into the night 3 tables were set for the evening’s poker tourney which continued well into the wee hours with some of the fresher faces attempting to bring down the odd wiley veteran with illicit substances & behaviour. It is fair to say Day 1 was as far from Level 3 lockdown as we could have made it.
Day Two
The second day started as it always does… with hope in the air, confidence high & heads dusty. Big Whero held a one point lead for the Shield lead by runaway performance by Hamish Howard. It was ominous from the outset with Hamish’s tendency to be come out on day 2 much stronger than day 1. This turned out to be a truism as there was never a strong challenge for Birdie & Hamish cruised to victory becoming the 8th Amateur to win Birdie in 8 Amateurs. We will wait another year in anticipation of a repeat champion.
Sniffers
Top : J. MacAvoy, W. Howard, T. Howard, J. MacAvoy
Bottom: R. Lin, D. Rice, R. Middleton, B. Vette, D. Laurence, R. Moule, A. Hedges
At the other end of the competition, however, the battle was fierce. Clubhouse leader through day 1 & debutant James Josephson was putting up a strong challenge as was perennial Bogeyman challenger Robert Graham. However, a dark horse for the overalls was emerging from the middle of the pack. After starting double, triple, triple bogey he maintained his strong performance throughout the round, plummeting down the leaderboard, quickly wrapping up his Shield Matchplay 9&7 and leaving his challengers in his wake. By the time he stumbled up the 18th there was clear air between him & his opponents. His team mate in his pairing had looked on in dismay, at times exclaiming frustratedly “mate, at least try to play golf” It was a low moment for the Committee Chair & a low moment for the event itself. To add insult to injury, his least skilled brother had reigned supreme & the prospect of caddying for him later in the year my his stomach turn.
Across the board, the sniffers were left dejected, winning none of the major awards & struggling to turn up on the course. Thankfully, the sniffers still managed to shine as, after a hugely successful first evening’s entertainment with dogs by the lake, Saturday evening proved equally as successful.
A banquet fit for kings was enjoyed as controversy swirled around the tent with Blowout of the Weekend nominations being sought to begin the awards ceremony. A battle of the Dave’s erupted with accusations of ball tampering hurled. It was an ugly blue on blue incident that showed the frustrations that had emerged in the Sniffer camp after a second straight defeat, a foreign situation to these men so used to being on top not just on the course but in life generally.
The situation was resolved when debutant Andrew Thomas was unanimously voted for the Weekend’s blowout. Once again the award was won for not just one incident but multiple indiscretions including, but not limited to; playing other players balls, obnoxious evening behaviour, hitting OB & then claiming ambitious forward progress, erratic haircut.
With prize-giving wrapped, the inaugural Amateurs Quiz continued the controversy with obscure questions being the saveur du jour. The tent’s aroma grew steadily riper & the questions continued to perplex. However, the challenging nature of the quiz was true to the spirit of competition the Amateurs holds so dear & so its introduction was warmly received as was its impeccable hosting by newly crowned Life Time Member Thomas Alexander Farn Loosley. After just one event it has already become an institution looked forward to annually.
The after-match grew large. Potentially too large. With beer & Pink Rhinos’ flowing the Bogeyman’s horror weekend continued with a late callback to work, having to drive home & work through the night to ensure his business survived. However, no-one else cared & so the Whero scum partied into the wee hours of the night ably assisted by a few keen sniffers, always keen to continue sniffing whether on the golf course or off it.
As morning dawned it was clear the Amateurs had not only dodged a Covid bullet but held the most successful event in its esteemed. history. Each year the Amateurs increases its scope & grandeur & there are rumours swirling that Amateurs #Nine is to be a major game changer. It can’t come soon enough.
-Thomas Howard
*The keys were later found to have been in the host’s pocket