TA5

A word from the Bogeyman…

Day I

2018 saw the Taupo Amateurs come full circle. After 4 years of tinkering and “I know better than you”s it was decided that, yes, golf handicaps are good, do work, and make for a far more enjoyable tournament. Gone were the the punitive & questionably allocated penalty shots of yesteryear, discarded was the thought of returning to a tournament “off the stick” and here we were with a classic handicap system in place. The thought was that this would balance the scales between the newly formed, and quickly dominant, Blue Sniffers and the struggling, rag tag bunch of mis-fits known as Big Whero. Events over the first day’s 18 holes immediately snuffed this notion out as the sniffers asserted an insurmountable lead through two quadrants.

Whilst the handicap system seemed to be working a treat the actual handicaps allocated proved to be highly controversial. At the top end it was clear there were some generous handicaps handed out. However, at the other end of the leaderboard it was clear that no handicap would be high enough to save Mr Graham. Entering the tournament with a staggering 43 handicap he managed to blow this out of the water and card a +18 for the tournament and win his first overalls. After many years as the overwhelming bookies favourite to claim the whites he made sure this time it was never in doubt.  Whilst Thomas Howard had eyes on the coveralls himself, he couldn’t match Mr Graham’s prowess on the course and could only watch as this man stumbled around the course like a drunkard past midday.

Perhaps the most controversial moment in Taupo Amateurs history came once the event concluded with the Amateurs committee having to strip newly minted Champion Reed Middleton of his prize.“After the rules committee have spent the morning verifying the weekend’s results we have an updated leaderboard. Due to gross negligence by the chief organiser the Individual results we incorrectly counted using Slope Handicaps instead of true handicaps.

“All scores have dropped around 8 shots against par due to this clerical error and some rankings have changed. Probably the most important is at the top. We must now confirm that Thomas Loosley is the official Taupo Amateurs 5 champion.”

Middleton took the news like a champ and, if anything, was a little relieved that his burglary had been downgraded to a petty crime. Coming in to the tourney having not played in some time (but previously being a low single digits player) his handicap was set at 13. Immediately this was identified as a touch inaccurate and one of his team mates was heard to utter “I haven’t skied in years, doesn’t mean I can’t still drop down a double diamond”.

The new result crowned Thomas Loosley as our champion, a man who had earlier in the weekend mentioned that he was determined to attend this event as long as it took to claim Birdie. It is unclear whether he will return next year.

This year also saw the first year of hitchhiking home as Rob Graham compounded his failures by loosing the Blueball on the 1st hole of the first day with his second shot, as his first did not make it off the tee box. He made good time returning home and was at the Bach 5 minutes behind the rest. Jason, a Palmerston North local, was kind enough to pick him up as he was heading North, in search of Marijuana that had dried up in the Manawatū region.

Taupo Amateurs 5 will go down in history perhaps for the first signs of a dynasty forming. The crushing loss of the Amateurs Shield by the Big Whero boys will surely be felt for years to come.

-Thomas Howard (Robert Graham could not complete his report within the two years allocated to him.)