Edition 6 : The Taupo Amateurs
(l-r) E.Erstich, B.Howard, A.Muir, R.Graham, L.Watson, H.Howard, M.Gabriel, S.Warner
A word from the Bogeyman…
Day I
As Taupo locals prepared for the annual onslaught of the Annual Taupo Amateurs (ATA). Our hero's of the hole, the butt putters and the big swingers all rolled into town.
Was Taupo ready for the extra degrees of heat, that the Blue sniffers were letting off, in this year’s 2019 Classic? Temperatures were definitely rising, as the Athleisure kit was exhibited.... Blue, a colour often associated with "Cool", could not have been more on point. With a dapper uniform, styled by the father of fashion DL, our team was almost ready.
Red with envy, the Whero fo-pa's (of fashion) knew a line had been drawn in the sand, territory was being claimed with intent. The silver-wear, at this point, could have been a mirror with the amount of sniff it was attracting. Dominance exploded visually on the blue shorts, a display likened to that of a peacock. This checkered Tartan, had style and pinazze only previously seen in the Scottish highlands. Worn with Ahonor this Tartan, dates back and historically represents the Earl of St Andrews, the mythical home of Golf. Ironically, linked only through selection to the Sniffers. The Tartan features now, in the physical home of Golf, a place called Taupo. Only the greatest Golfers will done the colors and play for Golfs most prestigious prize, at the Annual Taupo Amateaurs…. Fitting, in more ways than one. Could this band of hackers really have what it takes to go back to back or would the Big Whero’s red t-shirts be too intimidating. Sports philosophy, had at one point, linked the domination of teams that wore the “red” color, to the inflamed ass of a baboon…. An animal, I think it is safe to say... you would not want to be in a cage with! But would these monkeys have what it takes?
As a newcomer to the Tornie (and the sport).... a prerequisite (I believe?) in being offered such a valuable opportunity to join a brotherhood. I felt unity and acceptance amongst my Blue Brothers. A feeling shared throughout teams regardless of color. For me, a true honor, to be invited to this well publicised and highly sought after event… had the selection process failed them tho? let’s find out…..
Would Big Whero's Fashion phopa's and complete lack of effort, reflect in their overall performance this weekend? would team spirit be compromised. Would the players be able to connect and build unity amongst the mind games. Was the over shadowing of Blue greatness to much?
The answers to all this is about to unfold.
Sniffer's - a team that had unmatched potential to any year previous. Had built a stable of athletes over the years and 2019 they drafted (questionably) some of the biggest playmakers in Sniffer history. Andrew Earls (the Earl of St Andrew himself!) and another players who scored high in Golf(stroke count), but low in I.Q…..I think it's only fair at this point I introduce myself, the WINNER of the lustrous white overalls. My Name, is Bodhi Vette and I was first place at the wrong end in 2019, only to have been pipped by a contentious call made by the guy who pipped me.
Day 1 of my first ever ATA tournament, was wetter than a mermaids fanny at Hugh Heffner's Pool Party. So wet, that while on the 8th (riding my clubs bare-handed) my grip slipped and the full force of my club was embraced by the dirt. Bending the shaft of my driver worse than a slip-out under a 100kg cowgirl. The grimmace on my face was thankful to the gods for masking my tears… it was, the moment I realised golf, was a great way to ruin a good walk. For some reason though we cannot get enough. I can confirm that no amount of preparation can prepare you for the thrills and spills of NZ's top tournament.
The day wrapped up with some slippery handles to discuss the battles that were. The club room provided the backdrop as presentation of the days standings were dished out, as a symbolic entree to Big Whero’s feast that was to come later that night. Highlights were naturally saying good bye and good luck to Rob Graham who had lost a blue ball and under ATA law was now required to hitch-hike home in order to feast with his fellow swingers. Other worthy mentions for the day were; Longest Drive: Andrew Muir, and Nearest to the Pin: Lance Watson…. A pairing who would go on to win the title of 2019 Slowest Golfer.
Back in Waitetoke, Poker would be won by the only sober driver, with determination to leave early (a motivation that often leads to ridicluous “all in’s” and displays of unreadable body language) well done to Evan, both for swindling the cash and for providing transport for the intoxicated.
It was a great end to the first day in the rest of my life.
Day II Turangi.
Home of the “chuck’n’putt” a central plateau platter of entertainment. Little did we know that chuck’n’put would go on to play a part in future tournaments and a local challenge that was required to get the respect of the Turangi locals and be able to top a thriller of a day.
The nerves were at an all time high as previous competitors knew, the shame and disgrace that would greet them on the first hole. A beautiful water feature for the boys to wash their balls in. A trump ball on the first was a phenominal asset to be burdened with and a crowd pleaser matched only by the blue ball. Tom Howard with the Trump ball would surely be calling “Fake News” as the smell of empty coffee cups still lingered in the hands of onlookers and nay-sayers. Sadly the Blue Ball placed by Sam Warner on display a-top a tee, was smashed safely over the pond. Luckily for entertainments sake, a blue ball played by Dave Laurence later in the day, would capture the hearts of those who enjoy watching a friend fend of themselves…. A feeling that only a tournament like the ATA can provide.
(l-r) B.Vette, A.Hodges, A.Earles, J.MacAvoy, T.Loosley, D.Laurence, T. Howard, M.Smith
Divets were dug and putts perfomed poorly, for many (myself included) glory and gastly had never held hands and danced so dramatically... but for one man, the day was shaping up to be the best day of his life. The fight for 2019 Birdie-man was on. A fall from grace as Blue sniffer’s front runner for the trophy, Jonny MacAvoy choked with the leader balls. His stirling rendition of Moore’s Law later that night would provide the closer he needed to get by in his termoil.
The over-arching presence of Ben Howard from Big Whero was impressive all weekend long and the perfect Eagle 3 on the par 5 4th hole Tauhara the day prior, was only overshadowed by a chip into the hole for 10, on the par 5 6th hole today in Turangi (by yours truly). Skills seemed to have only skipped one of the brothers in the genetic lineage of Howard’s with brother Hamish hanging onto outright 2nd place right up until the 18th. The mutation Howard gene present in brother Tom however… left him fending for his life at the lower end of the pool.
The battle for Bogey-man, albeit a title most shun, was strangely familiar fan fair and a comfortable win nonetheless.
The heartiest of throw downs tho was the Blue Sniffer vs Big Whero battle royale to decide the overall winner! With an all time blow out by Ash chipping into the bunker on the 18th, it meant that the game had to go to the 37th Hole… What a spectacle!
Teams were carefully selected by the captains and the desider was on like donkey kong!
An overall combined low score would be the winner.
Representing the Sniff was some of the finest golfers ever to swing a club…. Andrew Earles & Tom Howard.
But the challenge was met head on extreme talent from the duo (Ben Howard and Lance Watson) after Andrew Muir was a captain’s veto.
The crew formed a line around the green of “Windy Crossing”, the 10th Hole of Turangi….. It felt like we could have been in the crow at St Andrews the atmosphere was so electric! Lance needed to get a put in, however bootched it and left the green for more challenging obstacles like the trees in the rough. This play was the final nail in the coffin of Big Whero and left red spirits at an all time low….. It could only be up from here right?
The Tournament wrapped up with an emotional prize giving and players look forward to returning in 2020 to settle scores.
Till then Gentlemen!
-Bodhi Vette
Editors Note (JCM)
note that it is not the ATA (throughout)
Birdieman
sic